12 July, 2015
Sometimes you get so envious your shoulders start to tremble. Your forehead gets all wrinkled when you push your brows together. When I get envious, my hands might start hurting. Something that often happens when I get emotional. I also bite my teeth which I should really try and stop. Or visit the dentist. Preferably both.
Getting envious over the silliest things always happen. It is human nature to get jealous and have that nagging, teeth-biting feeling in your gut. It really is. At least I think it is. I’m sure a doctor could confirm.
I hate feeling envious. To me, it’s one of the worst feelings you can possibly feel. Maybe the second worst (right after feeling embarrassed). I think it is one of the worst feelings you can possibly feel because when I feel envious, I feel less. Not enough. I feel incomplete, sometimes even pointless. I know – ridiculous. But for the longest time, as long as I can remember, I have always at some point been envious of something. A toy, a shirt, a friend, a bicycle, money, a plate of food, a skill, a record,… And I’m sure we all have. It’s just that, not everyone admits it. And not everyone has to admit it, either. I guess it’s good manners to swallow it up and not let it show.
Being envious is not healthy but because it is built in us, it can not be changed. It can only be lived with. You can try and, like my grandma always tells me to, “think of blue thoughts”. Take a deep breath and let it go.