I open the door of the sauna and feel the cold wind hit my overly warm, naked body. My skin is covered in little drops of sweat but they quickly disappear in the freezing evening air. The only lights around are the Christmas lights arranged on the spruces across the garden and the ones coming from inside the house. I have an overwhelming desire to sit in the snow – to just sit there, to be surrounded by snow but the bottom of my feet have started to freeze. I grab two fistfuls of snow and rub it across my shoulders, on my chest and my legs. I think of how good it is to be right here, right now. In the absolute silence, surrounded by fields and snow and nature. My thoughts, however, are disturbed by the prickling sensation of my bare feet sticking to the icy pathway… I quickly run back inside the sauna.
It’s like time is slowing down. I’m lying in bed with my eyes fixated on this street lamp just outside our apartment. I have a sniffling, sighing, slightly snoring someone sleeping next to me. Other than that, it is so very quiet and the snow is falling slowly, it’s like I can see every single flake individually. I wish I could put them all in a bottle and have them there, dancing, reminding me of this moment in the orange light. This reminds me of the times when I, as a teenager, stayed up until god knows how long and never wanted the nights to end. Night time, my time; a safe place. Snow falling, an orange light. Peace. Note to self: remember.